my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
