69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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