Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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