woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
