i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this boner is exhausting
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
is it fun? or sober?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
