Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize