it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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