doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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