Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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