This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
