i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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