but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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