remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
