cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
