just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
