i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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