Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
