I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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