in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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