STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You are the jesus of drinking
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
