I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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