I CAN MOONWALK!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
