i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
