Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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