It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
