I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
