You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
