Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
