I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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