It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
