Someone shit on the floor
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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