i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
