the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
