____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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