yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
