You really coming over, don't trick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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