JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
only you would photoshop your dick
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
