Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
