I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How external is "for external use only"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
