Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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