I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
