Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
