Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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