so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
