Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
