I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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