the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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