How'd it feel making her break her religion?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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