I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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