Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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