You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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