true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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