We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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