i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
