Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
