just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
