he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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