so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
