Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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