That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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