can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
