My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
