Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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