Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
