After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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