Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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