I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
