Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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