one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
